Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
