strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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