people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
