apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
