Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
