so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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