tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
