i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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