I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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