I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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