She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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