That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
