Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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