my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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