There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
