All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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