I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
