i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
