I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
