It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
