I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
