Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
