Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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