And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
