the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
