Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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