i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
