if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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