she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
