she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize