dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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