i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
