Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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