I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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