There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I cut my penus on the lid.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
