um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
