I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
