I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
