So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
