That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
