I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
