I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
