i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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