just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
