you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
North Korea, Best Korea!
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
