I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
We were destined to go to rehab together
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Randomize
