god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
