My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
