Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
