You're a womanizer and a bitch.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
