There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
