Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
