Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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