Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
