there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
