so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
